To Post or not to Post?

Photo via Reddit.

“If I don’t post it, it didn’t happen” is something you’ve probably said to yourself before, compelled to show others what you’re doing, and proving, mainly to yourself, that you’re an interesting person. Posting, the act of sharing pictures to your friends (or complete strangers!), can be a fun way to connect with people and express yourself– but it can also be a detriment to privacy and happiness. It should have its time and place in your life. There are many contexts where it is harmless and even beneficial to your social life, times of day where it merits an ounce of your precious attention. After all, we are all increasingly interconnected online– it’s nearly impossible as a young person to not have even an ounce of online presence without feeling isolated. Posting, however, should never be the center of your focus nor the foundation to your self-perception and friendships. The same applies to seeing others’ posts– never base your image of someone based on their profile online. We don’t post to reflect reality: everything, even your own posts are curated and distorted to fit into some kind of image which you want to project of yourself. You wouldn’t post a photo in which you looked bad because you want others to see you how you want to be and to consequently attract them into your life– the same goes for everyone else. Ultimately, looking at posts for an extended period of time is a complete waste in itself because it is all a show– and not a particularly entertaining one. We, as complex, thinking beings do not need to scroll, and the very act should not be a daily habit. It’s a form of addiction that greatly limits your attention and room to think. I suggest that you pick up a book or go touch some grass instead. While outside, as you read your book in said grass, DO NOT post it on your story. Have this moment completely to yourself– no one has to know about it. Posting is not being. But if you want to, here’s a guide on what to post and what not to post from someone’s who’s (hopefully) learned a bit from the of trial and error of her ways:

(Of course, this advice isn’t for everyone. It’s just my personal philosophy when it comes to posting on social media.)

1. Romantic Relationships

Posting about romantic relationships is not only unhealthy but quite pathetic too. However, it’s certainly not uncommon. In a relationship, it’s normal to feel the urge to post your person, let people know of your “status update.” In my experience, however, posting a partner is performative, an attempt at proving that you’re wanted and happy, even in cases where it doesn’t come from a bad place. The people in your life who should know about the details of your relationship, those important few you interact with intimately, already know about it. If you haven’t told someone you think should know, just tell them! What a concept. Others, frankly, don’t deserve to know about your private moments and milestones with your partner. Those people don’t and shouldn’t care about what you guys did for Valentine’s or if it’s your two-month anniversary, certainly not enough to look at an aerial view of the pasta you shared nor the touchy selfie you took together. Save those photos for yourselves, for the scrapbooks– your moments together will be so much more meaningful.

 Furthermore, posting about your relationship can actually prove to be destructive. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where your partner gets upset about you not posting them or vice-versa because it’s what you both expect from each other. Your trust and dedication to something shouldn’t have to be reflected in how much you show them off online. Additionally, posting shouldn’t be used as a means of revenge against an ex, to show them that you’ve moved on. If you really have, you probably wouldn’t care so much about making them jealous anyway. Plus, it’s not fair to use your current partner as a weapon against someone else– they, alone, deserve your transparency. 

Lastly, it feels good to have your privacy, and this goes for every aspect of your life, but especially in a relationship. So have your secret-not-so-secret-lover! Enjoy your bond together where no one can see you and don’t take real, non-performative connections for granted– not everyone has the sense to really experience it. Just imagine that you’re a celebrity– don’t be your own paparazzi, your own worst enemy, posting about your latest relationship update. Your profile is not a page of ENews. 

2. Wealth

Not posting about wealth is the number one rule in social media etiquette. In general, showing off wealth is a reflection of inflated ego or low self-esteem, or both, and the same notion applies to your social media page. Afterall, you’ll probably just look like a snob, and most people worthy of knowing you will not be attracted to it. It’s quite the opposite: bragging about material possessions is a guaranteed way to ward off people with good intentions and rich personalities and send those your way who unfortunately have neither. There are even some people who buy luxury items to post them and return them immediately afterward just to brag. It’s a good rule of thumb to not buy something to make people perceive you as rich. And, even if you do own expensive things, no one needs to see it. Trust me, your father’s million-dollar car collection and three-thousand-dollar purse look like rubbery garbage on the bright screen of an iPhone. None of it makes you interesting in person, so it certainly won’t make you appear any cooler online.

3. Yourself (Too much)

Constantly sharing photos of yourself is another indicator of insecurity. Unless you aspire to be a fashion influencer or model, it isn’t worth wasting time nor stressing over. It’s important, however, to delineate the difference between posting and taking pictures– one is for yourself and the other is living up to the gaze of others. Selfies are fun and help us remember how we used to look; they record changes in our appearance when we may not even perceive them in the moment. Like any photo, I’m not ashamed of the hundreds of selfies I’ve taken over the years because they serve the sole purpose of reminiscence, an integral part of being human. Posting them at the same rate is a completely different ballgame, and it’s dangerous for self-image. Afterall, it isn’t worth it to spend minutes, even hours, getting the right pose for a photo nor making the perfect video of yourself lip syncing for others to see for a second, admire you or probably cringe at you, and move on. Plus, posting pictures or videos of yourself often is neither productive nor fun; it’s consuming and sad, not to mention unattractive. You are a beautiful human even if there isn’t an abundance of photos on your profile to prove it! Having a few up is enough to give people a general sense of your personal style and appearance, which is an important part of meeting and keeping in touch with people. If you want to share more photos of yourself with someone, just send it over without ever having to post it. 

4. Your Every Thought

Has the world really come to a place where people post their thoughts before actually thinking? I fear it has. Don’t get me wrong– pluralism of opinion and thought are essential to personal growth and the strength of a free society, but sometimes, thoughts are better left to the mind, in writing, or engaged in conversation. Say anything you want, just not online. Plus, nine times out of ten, posting your every thought occurs as oversharing. Another rule of thumb: do not tell the Internet what you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to an interviewer. Just as you wouldn’t inform them about your wild night, relationship problems, or depressive thoughts, you should not be informing your followers online of these things. Don’t get me wrong, expressing an opinion that makes you uncomfortable is brave and important in contexts like speeches and journalism, but posting it is frightfully unnecessary and, again, performative. No one will be impressed by your vulnerability or opinion of someone or something that you post on your Instagram notes or your Tik Tok page. Most people will care just enough to judge you for posting it. Instead, turn to journaling or journalism, outlets where it’s actually good to incessantly share your thoughts.

5. Your Damn Coffee

Stop. Posting. Pictures. Of. Seven. Dollar. Lattes. We get it, you like coffee. You’re just one of millions posting your coffee every day. Once in a while, it’s fine, if it makes you happy, but it isn’t anything transcendent. It’s frankly annoying for the viewer, and extremely unpleasant to any person that you’re having coffee with. I like to take a big first sip as soon as I get my cappuccinos, so as to prevent any potential posts with my coffee partner. Sure, pretty latte art deserves a photo, but perhaps keep it to yourself. 

6. Every Moment of your Life

There are moments that merit being posted– after all, they do define you in some way or another, so there isn’t any real harm in letting them be known in your presence online. Some postable moments include college decisions, creative accomplishments, and birthdays. These are all things that people post about, cool tidbits about yourself to share with others, if you want to. However, there exists a fine line between sharing and oversharing about your life, and, in my opinion, a distinct point in your life to retire posting milestones at all. Firstly, it is utterly inappropriate to post about death. Death is such a tragic and personal occurrence in anyone’s life that its grief should be on display for everyone to see. Of course, share your grief with others, but keep in the realm of direct communication and in privacy because the last thing that should ever happen is posting to somehow prove your level of grief. The same notion applies to any unfortunate family event. Some things belong in a family, in a community, not for everyone to evaluate. In a similar vein, posting about positive life events is overkill. You shouldn’t feel the need to post photos of a marriage or birthday party– send the pictures to your family and friends, add them to the photo collection. The celebration of life should always be special and private, not to be outdone or thinned out by an online post. Further, don’t post about your new job unless it’s on your professional profile– you will look less professional in doing so. In general, posting after your college years is actually a handicap to personal and professional fulfillment, if not earlier. It definitely helps you make new friends in a world where every youth depends on social media to maintain social connections. This isn’t an ugly fact either, it’s just the way we find people before truly knowing them. But once you get out of college, let go of social media, it won’t serve the same purpose as people around you mature, moving past it themselves, and will solely prove to be a hindrance to your growth as an individual and privacy. You certainly don’t want to be one of those parents posting pictures of your kids someday, poor kiddos! 

In sum, privacy is an essential part of truly living, and we unfortunately fail to recognize that fact today with some of the things we think are acceptable or obligatory to post online, oblivious to their effects on us and our digital footprints. In some ways, posting is unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to be a disturbance to life. If we instead recognize exactly how it can be a positive force as well as its limits, we can live more interesting lives and discover our own unique personalities and styles. Spend your time expressing yourself in meaningful ways and stop scrolling– that certainly won’t and can’t leave a positive effect on you. Finally, despite my overwhelming pessimism toward posting, I encourage you to go post a meaningless picture that brings you joy, something you’d perhaps find on Pinterest, or a song you liked today and leave it at that. Simple and unobstructive. It should be as unserious as possible. Make sure to keep people guessing about the content of your life– don’t give it all away. Or just don’t post at all. That’s probably the best option. You can definitely go through life without it– you’re much more than an image or clip on a vanishing screen.